Embracing the Ebb and Flow of Grief: Navigating the Loss of Beloved Pets

Nov 3

The ebb and flow of grief is a journey that each of us embarks upon at different points in our lives. As we grow and develop from a young age, we learn to experience emotions like happiness, joy, sadness, anger, and fear. Grief is the emotion that emerges following a significant loss. The experience of loss and death of someone we love are universal experiences, but the timing of grief is unique, as it appears at different times in every person's life. For some, loss strikes early, while for others, it arrives much later, making it elusive and challenging to be understood and even more so supported by those who haven't experienced a significant loss themselves.

Each person's loss is distinct, just as each relationship is unique. This individuality makes it impossible to compare one person's grief to another's, as there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief shows up in a disorderly, random manner, and it doesn't adhere to a set pattern.

Regardless of how it may appear to others from the outside, every person's loss is significant. It is the depth of the connection and the meaning of the relationship that matters far more than the length of time together or the size or species of the animal. The death of a loved one changes you and marks the end of innocence as now grief enters your life.

The grief experienced after losing a pet has been regarded as disenfranchised grief, often not publicly discussed and sometimes seen as insignificant. However, in recent years, pets have become recognized as important family members, and their loss and its impact on their people and families are gaining greater acknowledgement.

In my work, I've encountered pet parents who express surprise at the intensity of their grief over a pet, sometimes more profound than when they've lost a human relationship. This is a common experience and perfectly okay. This depth of grief often stems from the unconditional love and acceptance offered by a pet who not only knew you wholeheartedly but was by your side through the significant life milestones in your time together.

After losing a pet, grief revisits and expands your emotional spectrum. It's a complex, messy, and painful experience that can even manifest in a physical heartache, known as Broken Heart Syndrome. This temporary condition can occur after a significant loss or intense stress, reflecting the profound connection between emotions and physical well-being. Not everyone experiences this, and if you haven’t, it doesn't mean your level of love is any less.

Each person has their own body, mind and soul way of grieving, making it impossible for anyone to experience it exactly as you do. However, there is another common thread in the disorderly nature of how it shows up.

Grief can be like a body of water, appearing calm like glass while concealing a deep, painful undercurrent. At other times, it resembles gentle waves, only to turn into a raging storm. Allowing yourself to be with, have the experience and confront the depths of your grief fully is important in your grief healing journey. It can leave you exhausted but ultimately will create a space for a clearing. As no storm lasts forever, the clouds eventually break, letting the light shine through. Grief finally gives you longer spaces in between the waves, and you discover what you are made of and emerge stronger in a new way for having faced the pain. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and raw helps release the pain each time it comes up. It is in this letting go and allowing your pain to move through you that you create the space for healing to happen, as the release gives you a newfound energy of your love for your pet to come in.

Grief is not something you "get over," but it is something you can learn to move through and accept when it arises. Like any other emotion, you adapt and learn to navigate it better with time. Grief is distinct in its sudden intensity and sometimes awkward timing. When you can accept it as incremental bits of pain releasing from you, it makes it a little easier to be with and in it when it shows up.

While you may feel alone, you are not meant to be alone in your grief. Having someone bear witness and hold space for you provides stability through the uncharted waters of your grief, helping you find your path toward acceptance, peace and growth.

I am honoured to accompany many pet parents and their animals during their most vulnerable moments, serving as a witness to their sacred end-of-life journeys.

Do You Need Support?

Finding understanding and support is essential during the challenging journey of accompanying your beloved animal through their end-of-life phase. As a certified grief specialist, I offer End-of-life Animal Communication, Afterlife Sessions and Grief Support Sessions tailored to provide you with the compassionate support you need as you navigate your beloved animal's journey.