Ten Things to Say to Support Someone in Grief After the Loss of their Animal

Feb 11

Seeing a person grieving the loss of their animal who is in pain or suffering makes most people uncomfortable, and we naturally want to help them feel better and even try to ‘fix’ them. As lovely as our intentions are, grief does not need fixing. It needs to be witnessed.

Many people, in their uncomfortableness, are often at a loss for words. They stumble and inadvertently, in their awkwardness, say things that do not come across as comforting to the grieving person. Although well-intentioned, we are often unaware that what we believed to be helpful was actually hurtful.

Feeling understood and seen by another increases compassion, trust, and respect in any relationship. In challenging times of grief after the loss of an animal, it is even more important to be present with someone experiencing pain. One way to show up is to support them with words from the heart.

10 Things to Say to Support Someone After Losing their Beloved Animal.

Helpful: I know your animal meant a great deal to you. I am sorry for your loss.
Hurtful: It was just a (cat, dog, horse, rabbit, bird, etc.) You can get another one.
Helpful: It must be hard not to have them here by your side.
Hurtful: They are in a better place now. (Grievers feel the better place is for their animal to be with them by their side)
Helpful: I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.
Hurtful: I know just how you feel. (No matter how similar a circumstance seems, no person, animal, relationship or loss is identical. It is seldom comforting to hear someone say they know how another feels. It is not possible.)
Helpful: It's ok to feel vulnerable and broken.
Hurtful: You are so strong. (Grievers don't always feel strong; every griever deserves time to feel vulnerable, soft, and wounded, not be told they are strong. They want their pain to be witnessed.)
Helpful: You will always remember your special relationship as they were a big part of your life. It is normal to have feelings throughout your life about them.
Hurtful: Time heals all wounds.
Helpful: Your love was so deep, and losing them is hard.
Hurtful: Be grateful they lived a long life. OR You had them for a short time and didn't have time to get close. (The length of time together in a relationship does not reflect the level of love and connection. The time together does not stop the anguish, and sorrow one feels after a loss.)
Helpful: With their loss, it must be hard for you and your other animals.
Hurtful: Be thankful you have other animals. (Being grateful for having other animals in your life does not remove the grief one feels when a pack member dies.)
Helpful: Their death and loss is painful. You went through a lot together.
Hurtful: At least they didn't suffer or aren't suffering anymore.
Helpful: It's ok to feel many emotions now. I'm here for you. You can cry (feel anger, guilt, fear etc.) with me.
Hurtful: Don't cry. Don't be angry. Don't feel guilty. (Being able to express feelings and openly share offers a release for their pain. This release creates space for healing energy to help move through the layers of grief. Often feel lighter after having had a chance to express their pain.)
Helpful: Grief is complicated and messy, and this is your journey. You will think of your animal often.
Hurtful: You'll get over it.

Lastly, please don't avoid or not acknowledge a person’s loss because you're uncomfortable with their grief. If this is the case, be honest, share your feelings of awkwardness or helplessness, and say, “I don't know what to say or do right now, but I am here for you.” Let them know you want to support them, and ask how you can best do that. Some people don't know what they need for support early in their grief, as they can be easily overwhelmed. Be patient, stay in contact and ask again later.

Keeping in contact provides a space for the person to feel safe sharing their grief with you. Sometimes, the best thing is to be silent and present with them. Know that each person grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way. Some people may want more contact and connection to talk, while others may wish to grieve privately. This is normal and follow their lead. Remember, grief has no timeline, so stay in touch and continue to offer support and friendship.

If you are concerned your loved one or friend may be "stuck" in their grief, remind them to be gentle and kind to themselves. You could also lovingly suggest they seek outside support.

Do You Need Further Support?

As a certified grief educator, my Afterlife Animal Communication Session or Grief Support Session helps support you as you navigate your grief and healing journey.